CONNECTING WITH YOUR CHILD BEFORE CORRECTING THEM

CONNECTING WITH YOUR CHILD BEFORE CORRECTING THEM

“ CONNECTING WITH YOUR CHILD BEFORE CORRECTING THEM “

By Dr. Nawar Mani Ramachandran / 3rd Oct 2021 / Uncategorised

Recent Post

HOW TO EDUCATE CHILDREN WITHOUT PRESSURING THEM

29th Sept 2021

CONNECTING WITH YOUR CHILD BEFORE CORRECTING THEM

3rd Oct 2021
Most parents will always jump to correcting their kids when the kid does something wrong or even attempting to do something, the Overprotective parents naturally want to correct them.
Is this right or wrong ?

 It is definitely wrong. Why? 

We are not giving that child a space to try. We are not giving that child a chance to correct herself/himself. A child has to fall on his own and pick himself up before he/she learns to walk. Similarly, all children learn to do anything by attempting. We shouldn’t correct them, instead try connecting with them.
All parents crave for the close moments with their children. Connection is an essential part of parenting. We all make loads of sacrifices in our daily lives, but are they worthwhile?
Kids who feel strongly connected to their parents will want to cooperate, whenever possible. They will be motivated to follow our lead when they can. Research shows that we need five positive interactions to every negative interaction to keep any relationship healthy.
And since we spend so much time guiding by correcting, reminding, scolding, criticizing, nagging, and yelling — it’s important to make sure we spend five times as much time in positive connection.

Parenting in this NEW WORLD.. With so many advanced technologies.. It’s not kidding. I salute all those who are still managing to keep up.

Instead, why not we start CONNECTING instead of CORRECTING?
Here are 6 Methods to connect with your children
1. Play
Playing is a serious business when it comes to children’s health and development. Which child does not like playing. Let us use PLAY to connect with the children. Children laugh during playing activities. It reduces the anxieties and upsets that otherwise make them feel disconnected.

Play makes kids want to cooperate rather than rebel. Instead of saying, “Come eat your lunch right now!“, You may say,  “Hey! Chipmunk, it’s time for lunch — Look, you have fruits, worms and nuts on your plate!” The child might run to the dining table.( Make believe game )

2. Aim for at least 12 hugs (or physical connections) every day.

As family therapist Virginia Satir famously said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” 

3. Turn off technology when you interact with your child.
Really. Your child will remember for the rest of her life that she was important enough to her parents that they turned off their phone to listen to her. Even turning off music in the car can be a powerful invitation to connect, because the lack of eye contact in a car takes the pressure off, so kids (and adults) are more likely to open up and share.
4. Make time for one on one time.

Do whatever you need to do to schedule 15 minutes with each child, separately, every day. Alternate doing what your child wants and doing what you want during that time. On her days, just pour your love into her while you follow her lead. On your days resist the urge to structure the time with activities. Instead, try any physical activity or game that gets your child laughing.

5. Listen, and Empathize.
Connection starts with listening.

“Wow!….. Really?…Great!  How did you feel?… Tell me more…”

The habit of seeing things from your child’s perspective will ensure that you treat them with respect. You are talking their language. It will help you see the reasons for behaviour that would otherwise drive you crazy. Listen to them as they want to be heard. Believe me! It will make wonders.

6. Show up.
Most of us would like someone to be there for us. I have felt that in my childhood. Your child has only about 624 weeks of childhood with you before they treat you otherwise. They would rather have their teenage friends around them when they turn 13. When they reach 18, They’ll be gone before you know it.
Try this as a practice: When you’re interacting with your child, show up 100%. Just be right here, right now, and let everything else go. Make it a habit several times a day, you’ll find yourself shifting into presence more and more often.